To improve self esteem and confidence, start by noticing how harshly you talk to yourself and questioning those thoughts, then take small steps that show you can cope. Self-esteem is learned, so it can change with practice. If low self-esteem has been with you for a long time, online counselling can help you work on it with support. The seven steps below draw on methods used in therapy.
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is the overall opinion you hold about yourself. It is the voice in your head that says either “I am good enough” or “I always get things wrong”. When self-esteem is healthy, you can see both your strengths and your weaknesses and still feel that you are worth something. When it is low, small mistakes can feel like proof that you are not good enough.
Self-esteem and confidence: what is the difference?
The two are linked but not the same. Confidence is about how you feel about your ability to do something, such as giving a presentation or driving. Self-esteem is deeper. It is about how you value yourself as a person.
You can be confident at work and still have low self-esteem underneath. Building both usually means working on your inner voice and on taking action in the world.
Where low self-esteem comes from
Low self-esteem often starts early. Constant criticism at home or being compared with siblings and cousins can leave a child believing they are not enough. In many Pakistani families, love is shown through high expectations, and children can grow up feeling that their worth depends on results.
Later experiences add to this. A difficult relationship or a period of unemployment can wear down how you see yourself. Understanding where your beliefs come from is not about blaming anyone. It helps you see that these beliefs were learned, which means they can be changed.
How to improve self esteem and confidence: 7 steps
1. Notice your inner critic
Start by paying attention to how you talk to yourself. When something goes wrong, what do you say in your head? Write these thoughts down for a week. Many people are surprised by how harsh their inner voice is once they see it on paper.
2. Question the critical thoughts
When you catch a thought like “I am useless”, ask yourself what evidence supports it and what evidence goes against it. The NHS guide to raising low self-esteem suggests writing down evidence that challenges negative beliefs. Over time, this helps you build a fairer view of yourself.
3. Keep a list of what you do well
People with low self-esteem tend to forget their successes and remember every failure. Keep a running list of things you have done well and kind words others have said to you. Read it when your inner critic gets loud.
4. Treat yourself as you would treat a friend
If a friend made a mistake, you would probably reassure them. Try offering yourself the same response. Self-kindness is not the same as making excuses. It simply means not attacking yourself for being human.
5. Set small challenges and complete them
Confidence grows through action. Choose small goals that stretch you a little, such as asking a question in class or trying a new activity. Each time you follow through, you collect evidence that you can handle more than you thought.
6. Practise saying no
Low self-esteem often goes hand in hand with people-pleasing. Saying yes to everything can leave you exhausted and resentful. Start with small, polite refusals. Each time you respect your own limits, you send yourself the message that your needs matter.
7. Spend time with people who lift you up
Notice how you feel after time with different people. Some leave you feeling capable, and others leave you feeling small. Where you can, spend more time with people who value you.
When to get help
Self-help can make a real difference, but deep-rooted beliefs can be hard to shift alone. It may be time to speak to a professional if low self-esteem is affecting your studies or work, or keeping you in unhealthy relationships.
Counselling can help you work on self-esteem in a practical, present-focused way. If your self-esteem is tied to past experiences, individual therapy gives you space to understand and change older patterns. Sessions take place online, so you can join from home.
If you are a parent, there are also practical ways to build confidence in shy children.
Frequently asked questions
What are 5 quick ways to improve self-esteem?
Notice your inner critic and question it. Keep a list of your strengths. Be kind to yourself after mistakes. Set small goals and complete them. Spend time with supportive people.
Can low self-esteem be fixed?
Yes. Self-esteem is learned, so it can be relearned. Change usually happens gradually, through repeated small steps rather than one big breakthrough.
How long does it take to build self-esteem?
It varies from person to person. Some people notice a shift within a few weeks of practice, while deeper beliefs can take longer. Therapy can help speed this up by giving you structure and support.
Online counselling for low self-esteem
If you are tired of being hard on yourself, you do not have to change it alone. Khud Aagahi offers online counselling and online therapy for low self-esteem, for teenagers and adults across Pakistan. Send a message on WhatsApp at +92 330 8582464 or book a free 15-minute consultation online.